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With each morning, a new sunrise. A new beginning to feel so you can live.

You cured me of me.

I got sick of being. Of carrying around a heart so heavy that I often reminded myself to breathe. I got nagged by the constant anxiety and restlessness that plagued my life. I was at a point where fear constantly loomed above me. Everything was an omen. All that I thought was of impending doom.

Hope was a rope around my neck. The more I thought about being better and living better, the tighter it pulled. It embarrassed me each time I failed. Failure was not an option.

Deep breath. It’s okay.  Deep breath.

The mantra that kept my heart beating and my feet moving. This was not the life I wanted to live. I desired more than seconds of calm and tranquillity.

Panic set in at the thought of ever being free. Free from the fear and the shame. It was close enough to touch yet too far feel safe and off edge.

It was intense. Everything was intense. Joy was a lack of strife. Peace was ignorance. Nothing was in totality. Happiness was a labyrinth I couldn’t let myself fall into. Because it would never last. I did not want to be stuck picking up pieces when it fleeted.

Along the way I bent and eventually broke. My child like joy turned to ashes in my mouth. My heart, once so big and open was stifled and reduced to guile and bitterness. I had let my life crumble and I wasn’t proud of that weakness. But you took a chance on me anyway. You picked me out of the rubble and reminded me of what it is to live. Fully and beautifully. To breathe and go to bed in anticipation of a brighter day. You are my redemption. And for that I thank you.

 

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