Back in the day when my life revolved around “The Vampire Diaries”,  I always admired how those vampires could completely be dead to their emotions. They called it flipping the switch. Turning off your humanity. Where they could just press a mental switch and not care about anything at all. Good, bad, they would lose all empathy and ability to feel any emotions.  This came in handy when something devastating happened and they needed to forget all about it cause it hurt so bad.
Many days I wish it was something I could do. Just switch it all off. To not care about anything is to not get hurt by anything. Some days the pain is so real that no amount of mind numbing can relieve It. The pain of loss, of failure, fear and fading dreams. And you can only wish you had the luxury to simply press a button and have it all gone, so you can go back to being sheepishly happy and nonchalant about everything. Switching it all off takes away your ability to feel and express all these feelings. You can’t care, which means you can’t love and you can’t hate. Can’t feel, can’t empathise, cant feel joy, basically, can’t emote. The switch takes it all. What makes you human. All you are then is a robot. A robot that has blood flowing through its veins held together by flesh and bone.
But I really don’t want that. With the good comes the bad. For every heaven is a hell, for every night is morning. If you took away the ability to care about anything, what would be point of it all? Why go to bed every night with anticipation of another day? There wouldn’t be love or friendship. There wouldn’t be laughter or joy. Because nothing matters. Only now do I understand that these things that make having the humanity switch so tempting do not last till the first light. They are gone but the freedom and experience that comes with them is priceless. We learn through living. And what life would it be without a little misery? How could we know joy then?
Off to obsess about another hit series.

Advertisements