If words had the answers I’d write you a sonet. And if that wasn’t enough id write you letters every 365 days until I see you again. To tell that you were everything to me. And my sun doesn’t shine as bright since you’ve been gone.
You said you would get better. You said you would try. You said with this new year came an opportunity to make new memories. You said it would be okay. You said I shouldn’t worry. And I had no reason to. You taught me to be a listener. And to trust. I believed you. Why did you lie…. Why did You hide the pain I so desperately wanted gone. We could have figured it out. You hurt so much. And now I hurt so much. Because in your time of need I wasn’t there for you. I chose the easier way out. I stopped fighting. I should have held on. My sweet friend. My humble friend. My darling father. I shouldn’t have gone far from you. I should have stayed. And I should have listened when you spoke. I should have forgiven easily. Like you always did. Why couldn’t I have a heart as pure and weightless as yours.. Why couldn’t I hold on one more day. I should have seen you one last time. 6 weeks in and I’m a shell. I walk around everyday with my head held high but I don’t know what anything is anymore. And I feel like I don’t have the right to mourn. It feels like my tears are a fool’s cry. I wish I had seen you one last time. I’m drowning. And I need you to tell me it’ll be okay. Because you always said the right thing that would make it all better. Why did you have to go. I wasn’t ready. I needed more time. To take care of you. Like you always put me first. I wish you could come back. To answer so many questions that I ask.

Advertisements